In the Beginning ... of Clothing

ADAM:  Look!

EVE: What IS that?

ADAM [with great pride]: I’m calling it clothing.

EVE: You’re always naming things.

ADAM: I have to.  You keep using up all the new words I make.

EVE [rolling eyes]: OK, so you’re calling it clothing.  What’s it for?

ADAM: I’m glad you asked!  So there are these three holes, you see, and the one [that one goes on top] is bigger than the other two, and then there’s this thing which—well, I haven’t got a name for it yet, but—

EVE: Hook-and-eye.

ADAM: What?

EVE: I’m calling it hook and eye.

ADAM: O … K.  Anyway, this thing is adjustable, so you can make the big hole bigger or smaller, you see?

EVE [reluctantly beginning to get absorbed]: That’s interesting.  So what’s this for, again?

ADAM: I’m glad you asked!  So I was thinking, since we’re naked [Eve makes a face], we needed to do something about it.  Clothes are the answer!  See, you put them one like this.  [He demonstrates.  Proudly:]  Pretty nifty, huh?

EVE [eyeing his figure dubiously]: What about me?

ADAM: I’m glad you—

[Eve glares.  In silence, Adam hands her a second outfit.  She puts it on, and fiddles with the “hook-and-eye.”  She goes over to the river, and looks at her reflection.  Adam begins to get nervous in the prolonged silence.]

ADAM: Do you like it?

EVE: Oh—yeah, yeah, no, it’s really nice.  Thank you, Adam.  [Coming over and kissing him.]  But, uh, Adam …

ADAM [much relieved and more cheerful now]: Yeah, what?

EVE: Do these—does this clothing—

ADAM: Uh-huh?

EVE: Does it make me look fat?