1. Number One Son now has not handed me weights during my workout, tried to feed me peas for lunch, and beat my breast during the penitential rite at Mass. Nothing like an oldest child to keep his parents in line! On the other hand, he flipped out when a latecomer to Mass did a full prostration next to our pew. Apparently too much devotion is upsetting to the toddler mind?
2. Fun money fact: If you have an IRA, you cannot transfer it to anyone else as long as you are alive. No, not even your spouse. No, not even if you’re unemployed. No, not even if the account fees are slowly draining away your tiny balance so that it will be halfway evaporated by the time you can withdraw at age 59. On the other hand, you can withdraw early and avoid the tax penalties if one of a few choice situations applies in your case.
3. Dr. Seuss now lives in the drawer that we never open where the good silverware lives. (Don’t ask me why we have good silverware; we haven’t used it yet because our ordinary silverware is pretty dang nice, and because I haven’t gotten around to ever washing the good silverware, ever, in three years of marriage. #firstworldproblems) It’s not that I am morally opposed to Dr. Seuss. Nor am I actually opposed to anyone else reading Dr. Seuss while I’m around. I’m just opposed to reading it myself. I have no problems reading “I Am a Bunny” 2,347,891 times in an afternoon, but there’s just something about “Fox in Socks” that makes me want to curl up and die after the third repetition. Part of it is probably the shortness of the lines and the similarity of the rhymes (see what I did there?), since ordinary Mother Goose is no problem for me. Part of my repulsion, no doubt, is due to the ugly pictures. (Really. If they don’t corrode your soul on some level, maybe you ought to see a spiritual body mechanic about the damage that’s already been done.) Whatever the reason, I’m not pretending it’s logically defensible. As the Italian Mama says about her cooking, “You must feeeeeeeeel the love, Gino! You no feeeeeeel it, you no coooook it.”
4. On the other hand … It occurs to me that some people may feel that I am selfishly depriving my son of one of his chief joys in life, namelich, hearing Mama read “Fox in Socks” very fast with perfect diction and (depending on how insane she’s turned today) either the Boris and Natasha accent or the Julia Child voice. Sorry, folks; I feel no guilt. Here’s the thing about toddler desires: they’re pretty malleable, as long as you keep things out of sight. Sometimes even if you don’t keep things out of sight. A sixty-second snapshot of Number One Son’s brain this morning (expressed in whines, grunts, running, pointing, and the occasional “Pwee! pwee pwee pwee!”): I want … milk! What? No!! I want … outside!!!! Daddy, read book!!!! Mama, read book! I like my stacking bowls. Ice?!!!! Is that my milk?!!! Outside?!!!!! OUTSIDE FOOLISH PARENTS!!!!!!!! Oh, we’re going upstairs now?? OK. Great! My favorite place.
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Don’t feel too bad for him. He’s just a little bipolar, like all toddlers. And believe me, as long as he doesn’t know Dr. Seuss is in the drawer, he—and Mama—will be juuuuust fine.
5. A little more fallout news from Hawaii: https://xkcd.com/1946/ (For those not familiar with XKCD, language and content warning—this installment is clean, but on the other hand there are plenty of others that are not.)
6. It’s very sweet when all your high-energy sick child wants to do is lie in a blanket on your lap and babble at you.
7. On the other hand, when said child tries to express his affection and gratitude by giving you open-mouthed kisses on the mouth …
"A Man Grimacing Grotesquely"
Bonus take: Another place to find old free images!