Friday, May 26, 2017

Ways to Entertain a Six-Month-Old

Entertainments Generally Acceptable to the Infant:
(assuming proper safety measures are in place)
Exercise with funny sounds
Exercise with funny objects in hands
Exercise with funny baby in hands
Movement is good, mom!  Let’s move all the places all the time!!!!
Bathroom cleaning
Any cleaning
Killing bugs
Mozart concertos on the piano
Beethoven bagatelles on the piano
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star one handed on the piano with baby accompaniment
Anything on the piano if it takes less than thirty minutes
Singing hymns
Singing Puccini
Singing Patty Cake
Rosary (out loud on the floor)
Mass (out loud on the floor)
Anything that is loud and on the floor
Did I mention the floor?  People, just get on the floor!  Everybody, on the floor or I shall wail!

Entertainments Not Generally Acceptable to the Infant:
Research on computer
Writing on computer
Reading news on computer
Emailing on the computer
Facebook on the computer
Don’t even look at your magic black talkie hand-box, lady!

I would happily embraced the concept of Luddite baby who makes me a better person through denying my access to soul-sucking technologies (oh, such excellent genes this child has! look at him reactioneering all over the place—the floor; I mean the floor—returning things to the chaotic state of nature …).  Except there’s one more thing my baby won’t let me do, which puts a whole ’nother complexion on the matter, namelich:


I think my baby wants me to be illiterate?  Solidarność?

Homeschooling is going to be so much fun.

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