For
the most part, these Monday digests are thoughts about the homily of the day
before. However, since yesterday’s
Gospel was on the Manifestation at Cana, I couldn’t resist digging up an old
homily which I heard some years ago. It
is a wedding homily, as the reader will discern; but I have removed the
personal elements, and I think the meditation on marriage that remains is worth
the read.
St. John tells us that
the first of Jesus’ miracles took place at a wedding in
the small town of Cana in Galilee. There are many lessons to be drawn from this—but
the first and
most obvious one is that a wedding was important enough to Jesus
for him to be there. And he was not there just as a guest: he saved the day.
The wine had run out
at that wedding. The wine which had been produced by human
effort—growing the grapes, picking them in season, crushing
them, fermenting the juice—this wine was depleted; it had run its course and
was gone. Jesus was
asked to do something, to intervene. In order to produce more wine, he
converted ordinary water into wine, a wine of superior vintage and quality. And
so he turned what
could have been a moment of embarrassment for the bride and
groom into a moment of triumph for them. His presence at the beginning of their
married life together was a source of relief and of joy—and ultimately was
the promise of
good things to come in that marriage.
This couple wants Jesus
to be present in a special way here at their
wedding. All the affection and good will of their friends means a great deal to
them—but that is the
human wine, a wine which ultimately is depleted. They want our Lord’s
presence so that, as at the wedding in Cana, he may provide the
good wine, the gift
of his grace and blessing.
They realize that it
takes three to get married—not a man, a woman, and a
photographer, but a man, a woman, and God. In a few moments, during the marriage
ritual, you will
hear the words, “What God has joined, men must not divide." What
God
has
joined. For ultimately, it is God who joins the couple in marriage here this
afternoon. God joins them in married love because, He, God, is love. He is not
just a great master of love, he is the personification of love. He is a family
of three persons who live only for one another—none of whom has a
private life apart
from the other two, no separate “space.” The only differences among
them are the relationships which distinguish the way in which they love one
another: a Father, a Son, love personified in the Holy
Spirit. This family life of the Holy Trinity is shrouded in a great
mystery, as, I suppose, all great love is shrouded in mystery [Eph 5:32].
We too are all called to
a love such as this, to this kind of selflessness, to
make a gift of ourselves in love. In fact, as Pope John Paul
wrote in his first letter to the world, we “cannot live
without love. [We] remain … incomprehensible for [our]self, [our] life is
senseless, if love is not revealed to [us], if [we] do not encounter love, if
[we] do not
experience it and make it [our] own, if [we] do not participate
intimately in it.” [RH10] St. Augustine wrote: “Our hearts are
made for God and they cannot rest until they rest in God.” Hence if human love is
to begin to satisfy the human heart, it must imitate God’s love. To love as
God loves, to make
a total gift of our self to another as God does is, strictly speaking,
unreasonable—indeed, humanly speaking, impossible, for why to
love one can allege
no cause [Shakespeare, 49]. But it becomes possible and reasonable with God’s
help and grace—the good wine of Jesus.
Love comes from God [1Jn4:7].
Consequently, when love seems to be running low in our life… when
one kills the spirit
of love with a perpetual dullness [Shakespeare, 56]… in addition to whatever
objective human difficulties there may be, the problem at
bottom is—always—that we have not been turning to God to draw upon his help,
to seek the good
wine which he alone provides to enable us to love. […] And the
solution, above and beyond whatever human means need to be taken, ultimately is
to turn back to God and to pray to ask help to learn once
again to love—to forgive
and to give of oneself anew. And thus “kind is my love to-day,
to-morrow kind, / Still constant in a wondrous excellence” [Shakespeare,
105].
Finding love, falling in
love is the most significant thing that can happen
in the life of a man or a woman. Love enables us to overcome
impatience and unkindness and selfishness; it transforms our
tendency to be boastful and conceited and rude. Being loved frees the heart to
love, to run the risk,
the adventure of love. It brings the joy of discovery and at last the
freedom to escape the selfishness of selflove. Discovering true personal love
opens the eyes of the heart toward the discovery of God. And so
it often happens that although God is Love, the Great Lover and source of love in
us, and the one who leads us to love, it often takes falling in love to be led to
God and be transformed by God. The world looks different to a person in
love, and that
person look different to the world. There is a difference in
the eyes, in the look, in the voice, in the demeanor. The Song
of Songs reminds us, “My lover belongs to me and I to him.” It has been a great
joy, a wonderful thing for all of us to see this couple fall in love and witness
the transforming effect their love has had upon them—and on others. Such a love
grows without growing old and without coming to an end. Our prayer today for them
is that their love may never die—fortis est ut mors dilectio [Song 8:6]—which
we might
translate: “Love is stronger than death.”
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Coming to marriage as a
bright and mature couple, the bride and bridegroom have experienced the
challenge of love and perhaps already the cost and even
some of the pain
of love. Hence as you pledge yourselves to one another here this afternoon, you
come with a love that is strengthened in the forge of loyalty
through suffering and hardship. “O benefit of ill, now I find
true / That better is by evil still made better, / And ruin’d
love when it is built anew / Grows fairer than at first, more
strong, far greater” [Shakespeare, 119].
The road ahead which you
walk together to discover God’s love in your
lives is, in reality, a double boulevard, each side of which
bears a different name. Your avenue, Bridegroom, is named “Bride.” And yours, Bride,
bears the name
“Bridegroom.” You will grow in love for one another as you learn to
discover God coming to you in each other. Like most streets,
with time and heavy traffic there may appear potholes, and the street will need
some repair… “Let
me not to the marriage of true minds / Admit impediments; love is not love / Which
alters when it alteration finds, / Or bends with the remover to
remove. / O no, it is an ever-fixed mark / That looks on
tempests and is never shaken; / It is the star to every
wand’ring bark, / Whose worth’s unknown, although his highth be
taken” [Shakespeare, 116].
Welcome God when he comes
to you with his cross in the challenges and
difficulties, as well as when he comes to you in the bliss
of shared happiness and joy—and perhaps most especially when he comes to you with
an infant’s face,
in the mystery of a new life and love in each of the children he may
send you.
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As a reminder of these
fundamental truths upon which your love will
grow, you will carry with you your wedding rings. In times of
old, a ring was the sign of royalty, the mark of a king and queen. It bore the
royal seal and was a stamp of authority. For you it is also a
sign of the authenticity of your commitment to each other and a reminder
of the aristocracy
of loyalty in love to which you are called.
Your rings are a circle—the
perfect form of unity. Like the ring, your
love is always beginning anew with every act of love and service, with every moment
of forgiveness; and
this should have no end. It must ever continue and develop, for love,
like every living thing, dies when it ceases to grow. Thus, you will learn to
love not once for all,
but continually, not taking one another for granted, but always winning
each other through newly found details of love and affection and service.
Your rings are a link—the
bond of union and fidelity and mystery. This link
integrates joy and suffering, which must always go together in this life, to help
you grow in integrity. With the years of your fidelity to one another, your
love and awe for
each other will grow, you will know each other better, and yet each to each will be
evermore a mystery.
Finally, your rings are a crown—the crown
of the promise of children, which are a token of God’s confidence in you as
parents, and the reason for continued courage in bringing the mystery of new
life into the world.
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Concluding, I would like to remind all of
you here that this is also a moment of grace for you who have come to witness
this marriage and give the couple your support. I hope you will indulge me for
a moment and forgive me for drawing this parallel, but for those who attend—that
is, all but the persons who are most intimately involved and the focal point of
the ceremony—coming to a wedding is, in many ways like attending a funeral. You
stand on the sidelines witnessing a significant moment of transition in the
life of a loved one. A funeral moves you to think of the life and history of
the deceased person, to think of the eternal reward to which the person is
going, and ultimately to reflect upon your own life: Where you are going, where
you have been, what you are living for.
So also, at a wedding, you are not mere
spectators, passive participants at the pageant of others’ love. This is a moment
of grace for all of you, an invitation to reflect on your love, on your
capacity to love, how you have loved, the challenge of giving
yourself in love, the love in your life—and for many of you, the love in your
own marriage. And it is also a moment in which God gives each of you a grace to
grow in your capacity for love and fidelity. That is God’s gift to you for your
generosity in coming here this afternoon to witness and support these pledges
of love to each other before God at the beginning of their married life.
And this afternoon that gift is a very
special gift, for I think I express the sentiments of all of you here when I
say that this is a special wedding for a very special couple, and for all of
us. As those of you who are older look upon this handsome couple you will find
your own love rejuvenated; those who are younger will find an inspiration. “Set
me as a seal on your heart, as a seal on your arm: fortis est ut mors
dilectio. This couple, with their example of love and kindness, of loyalty
and faithful love, will be an example and encouragement to many of their friends
and peers—to lead them to God and to teach them how to love, with a love that
goes beyond the grave.
Let me end by reminding you that Jesus’
first miracle took place at a wedding in Cana of Galilee, where he transformed
water into very fine wine, and thus came to the aid of a young couple on their
wedding day. Jesus was at that wedding because his mother Mary was there. He
interceded to help the couple at her request. Mary is also present at this
wedding. We ask you, Mary, to intercede here today and forever that your Son
may bring the good wine of his grace and his blessings upon this couple.
